Hello my loves!
Tamara from Austin, Texas has sent a request to discuss forgiveness on the show. This is a great question since I feel we all struggle with forgiveness at some point in our lives.
Did you know that lack of forgiveness and holding grudges on someone affects not only your relationships, but also your physical, physiological and emotional well-being?
Today, I will be sharing with you some tricks that will completely change the way you think about forgiveness and I will give you some tips on how to easily forgive others.
Research has shown that lack of forgiveness affects us not just emotionally but physically. It has been proven that forgiveness will help you decrease blood pressure and muscle tension. It leads to a healthier immune system and helps your cardiovascular health. In addition, it helps you have better sleep cycles.
That being said, when you hold resentment or grudges on somebody you are the one who is getting all the emotional and physical disadvantages while the other person is living a “normal life”.
It is important to understand that forgiveness is an intentional decision. It’s a personal choice and only youcan make the decision of either holding grudges and living with the secondary effects or to change your attitude towards the offense. Be willing to let go, forgive and forget, plus enjoy its benefits!
It is so true that “holding grudges is like slowly drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Forgiveness is an opportunity to take power back in your life! You will be able to make that intentional decision and choice to not allow external circumstances to affect your well-being and understand that you are more valuable than that.
So here are some steps that will help you succeed through the forgiveness process:
Identify your feelings and where they are coming from. Are your upset? Hurt? Mad? What cause you to get to that point? Be specific! This will help you recognize what you are feeling and be able to set up boundaries later with that person going forward to omit repeating the offence and have a more harmonious relationship.
Remember the power and benefits that forgiveness has in your life and how much it hurts you to hold on to grudges. It will affect you not just physically and emotionally but psychologically as well. Tell yourself: “I have the power to make the decision to forgive now and change the way I see things; I have a choice. By not forgiving, I am giving power to other person to manage my thoughts and feelings.”
Talk it out! Find somebody you trust to share what you are feeling. Sometimes all we need is to vent and get the frustration off our chest in order to put things in perspective. You will feel a million times better after you have talked to someone about it.
This step may sound really hard to do especially if the offence was major or you are in a lot of pain, but trust me it works! Be compassionate, put yourself in the shoes of the person that offended you and try to understand the reason they behaved the way they did.
Recognize that you also make mistakes. I certainly run and ask God and people for forgiveness when I do wrong. In the same manner, I have to forgive people when they do me wrong. When they don’t realize they did wrong and don’t ask for forgiveness, I do my part to forgive them and I leave it up to God to work on their heart and do the rest. I just forgive and move on happily with my day and my life.
Yes, I understand that there are some offences that are bigger and more delicate than others, but remember that no matter the offence at the end it will be you who will continue suffering if you don’t forgive and hold on the grudge. I always ask myself “What would Jesus do, especially when I have to forgive the same person over and over again”.
Write a letter but don’t mail it — sit in front of a mirror and imagine the person is sitting across from you. List your feelings, thoughts and say them out loud that you forgive them and say at least 2 good things about them. This will help you feel much better about the offence. Make sure you mean it when you say it!
Forget! Write down the offence and your feelings associated with it on a piece of paper and get rid of it along with your feelings and emotions. You can burn the list and detach your feelings as the paper disappears, or get rid of it any other way that will be meaningful to you. The point is to not remember the offence and the feelings associated with it going forward. When we remember the offense or talk about it, our body doesn’t recognize it as a memory and it realizes all the stress chemical reactions to defend us in respond to our emotions. This causes us to feel depressed, stressed and anxious. So stop bringing up the offence to your memory and stay focused on your present and your future. Enjoy every single relationship and minute of your life because you deserve it!
Make sure you let the person that offended you know how you feel about their offence and set up boundaries to prevent the same offence from happening in the future.
So there you have it my loves! I hope these steps help you and remember there is power in forgiveness every time you feel offended. Forgive immediately and don’t dwell on the thoughts that come tied in with the offence. Instead move on with your life since you are too precious to go through the consequences of holding grudges.
Remember that forgiveness is a choice and if you are still having difficulties to forgive, ask God for help. He will make the supernatural happen and will give you the strength, will help you with your feelings and get through the process. Forgiveness will make you free!
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I dare you to dream Big!